Caring For Aging Parents What I Learned The Hard Way

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Last week I said goodbye to my mom.

She passed peacefully in her sleep, and while I’m grateful her suffering is over, the months leading up to her passing were some of the hardest of my life.

I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while now. Not because I want sympathy—but because if it helps just one woman feel less overwhelmed or more prepared, it’s worth it. We don’t talk enough about what really happens when you’re the one who steps up to care for aging parents.

So today I’m sharing what I’ve learned—the hard way.

After Her Husband Died, Everything Changed

When my mom’s husband passed away, I did what most daughters do—I stepped in to help.

I wanted her to stay in her home as long as possible, so I hired help, checked in regularly, and tried to keep things stable. The biggest surprise? His finances were a tangled mess. He had six different bank accounts and none of them had my mom’s name on them.

It took months of tracking things down, closing accounts, handling paperwork, and trying to make sure the bills were paid. All while making sure she had what she needed day-to-day.

Tip: If your parents have multiple accounts, now is the time to help them consolidate and simplify—and get your name added to the accounts if possible.

Financial Hurdles You Don’t Think About (Until It’s Too Late)

This part was the most exhausting—and honestly, the most heartbreaking.

My mom started to get confused with her money. In just two months, she lost $5,000 without realizing it. I had to step in and take her card away, close the account, and open a new one with my name on it so I could help protect what she had left.

Even though I had Power of Attorney, I still couldn’t access anything after she passed. POA only works while the person is living. After that, unless your name is on the account, you’re locked out.

I had to go to court five separate times just to settle things—and the trailer she lived in still had my stepdad’s name on the title, so I couldn’t even sign it over to the new owners until I saw an attorney again.

I can’t tell you how many times I sat in the car outside the bank, crying. Hands shaking. Just tired. And alone.

Nobody tells you how often you’ll cry in parking lots in this season.

The Distance Made It Harder—But I Still Showed Up

For the last three years of her life, I lived about 2½ hours away. It wasn’t easy to be far, but I made the drive often, and I handled everything I could over the phone and through paperwork.

When you’re the one who steps up, it doesn’t matter where you live—the emotional burden finds you. And I carried it with love, even when it was heavy.

Caring For Aging Parents What I've Learned The Hard Way

Nursing Homes, Social Security & The Constant To-Do List

Eventually, it became clear my mom needed full-time care. I had to move her to a nursing home, which meant more paperwork, new accounts, transferring Social Security to a new state, and a dozen other little things that nobody warns you about.

Even small things—like replacing clothes, toiletries, or a new blanket—added up fast. I paid for many of those things myself.

But the emotional weight of watching her decline was far heavier than the cost.

The One Thing That Helped: Her Final Arrangements Were Already Made

One of the greatest gifts she gave me was making her funeral arrangements ahead of time. Her grave, headstone, and cremation were already taken care of years ago.

That meant when the time came, I didn’t have to plan anything. There was no service to coordinate, no decisions to make in a fog of grief.

She had already made those choices, and it gave me space to just breathe.

Why I’m Planning Ahead Now (So My Family Won’t Go Through What I Did)

After everything I went through, I made a promise to myself: I will not leave a mess behind.

That’s why I sat down and filled out my Final Wishes Planner—every single page.

Who to call
What I want (and what I don’t)
Where the important papers are
Passwords and account info
What to do with my belongings
The little personal touches that matter to me

I don’t want my family scrambling. I want them to grieve in peace, not sit in a bank parking lot crying over legal red tape.

If you’re going through this with a parent, or you’re just thinking ahead, please consider getting a copy of my printable Final Wishes Planner. It walks you through everything I wish I’d known sooner.

👉 Get My Final Wishes Planner Here!

Final Thoughts

This post isn’t really about death. It’s about love. It’s about showing up for the people who raised us. It’s about making decisions while we still can—so no one we love has to go through the chaos we did.

If you’re in this season now, I see you. I know how heavy it is. And I hope sharing my story helps you feel a little more prepared—and a little less alone.

You don’t have to be perfect.
You just have to keep going.

And maybe—cry in the car when you need to. I sure did.

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Michelle

Hi! I'm Michelle. You can find me planning, cooking, and often wrangling chickens in my spare time (who am I kidding? I have no spare time). I am the CEO and creator for homesteadingforwomen.com. All posts are reviewed and updated personally by ME - if you have any questions, feel free to contact me here.